Sick and in Pain

I have a kidney infection.... it really, really hurts. This has got to be in the top 10 most miserable moments in my life so far.

It's hot but I feel cold. I've been shivering all day, freezing and then the next moment I'm drenched in sweat. Worst of all there's no one here to take care of me. I just realized growing up sucks. I was lucky to have a wonderful mother who always took care of me... Growing up I never did ANY chores and was pampered head to foot. and when I got older I was surrounded by even more people who took care of me. My boyfriends always took care of me. Most people think I'm so independent but I think I'm a big baby :( Somewhere along the line, I learned to put up a wall so that people don't take advantage of kindness.

I wonder how other people who don't have a lot of friends survive... what do they do when they're sick?? It must be hard.. I've never had to take care of myself if I got sick... someone was always there. I'm sure I could call someone here to come over but it just doesn't feel right.. there's no one I really feel close to yet up here and when your sick, you wanna be comfortable. Or at least I do. In a way I'm choosing to suffer by myself right now.. what do people without that option do??

My friend slept over last night to watch over me and took me to the hospital today but I feel bad having him do it... it's not like we're dating or anything nor is he trying to. It's a very strange feeling to be so sick I can barely walk yet have to fend for myself and feed myself etc.

I miss my friends. I don't relate to anyone in any of my classes. In fact, I've turned kind of anti social. It's like I do everything I can to keep the guys in my classes away from me.. and now I'm complaining about having no one around when I'm sick. haha. I just can't communicate with people my age... and I'm over partying and drinking and trying to be cool. And unfortunately, that's all college kids do. Well, I guess there's one student I get along with.. but he's older and mature and going back to school.

Fuck, I want to sleep but I've been sleeping for two days straight. Can't fall asleep anymore! And I'm kind of afraid to take ambien right now. I hate sleeping all day. In another hour I have to force myself to eat so I can take my meds. The thought of food makes me nauseated! :(:(