PMS?

I need a hug today :(

It's strange how easily I could access a genuine hug back in HI.. from a variety of sources.. and how hard it is in a relatively new place since I haven't really found anyone I really trust and relate to out here. It's hard to meet people (that I like) cause I only go from home to school... then school to home. and I've pretty much dismissed the idea of ever finding anyone worth hanging out with in college.. at least for now anyway.

But yeah.. Today I feel the need to get a big, long hug from someone I love and trust today and right now that is not accessible :( I'm so stressed from school (had exams every single day so far), lacking forms of entertainment and relief, frustrated sometimes from the lack of freedom, and also concerned about the future of our economy and how my friends and family and myself are going to cope with this recession.



Things have always gone remarkably my way throughout my life and lately there seems so be so many annoying problems that come up... minor shit like things I order not working properly or something in the house needing fixing etc. I have to take care of everything on my own!! uggh.

Today I'm irritable cause I have another exam tomorrow, I can't sleep even though I want to switch my schedule from sleeping at 2 to sleeping around 10... and I can't get a hug from someone I actually admire and like.


I'm tired of dealing with all the dumbasses at school that try to talk to me.. I'm tired of having to dumb myself down to converse with these idiots to avoid seeming rude.. Tired of meeting a hot guy then getting disappointed then completely turned off by how... dumb they are, and tired of fake, superficial people with no depth whatsoever that think they are so smart cause of the minor level of manipulation they can pull on others even dumber than they.

This one I usually put up with pretty well but right now it's irritating me as well: Tired of others who try to use me for whatever reasons for their own benefit and then try to make it seem like it is for my own benefit... and don't realize I see through their bullshit. If you want me to do you a favor or want me to impress a friend of yours or want me to help with something: just ask... leave the theatrics for someone else.



Life is really meaningless. It just drags on and on. There's no point to it but people try to find a meaning to their life. Or live a "fulfilling" one through helping others or god or other shit. Life is just life. You live, you grow, you fuck, you get old and you die. That's that. Oh yeah, somewhere between you fucking and you dying, you hopefully reproduce so that the human race can survive to continue this endless cycle ;)

I know, I know. I'm not usually this pessimistic but I think I'm pretty real.. and as far as my knowledge goes, accurate. I think people have high expectations of life... that life is supposed to be always joyful and pleasurable and fun.. it's not. If it were, there would be no poverty and evil and bullshit... oh and no school or work either. we'd all be running around naked like adam and eve in the garden of eden if it were meant to be this amazing journey of ecstasy.


My old professor was right.. all these things invented to make life easier just complicates things.. sometimes I wonder what it'd be like to just live a simple, normal life all the way through. I don't think that'd ever really be possible for me though.. once you have a taste of something different you can never really go back.. you'd always have something to compare it to and it'd be too boring. While things can only get so boring.. everyone always pushes their limit as to what's the ultimate fun.. but fun has it's limit too. And it's usually alot short lived than boredom :(


I think I think too much. 90% of the other people I know that also think too much are addicted to either drugs or drinking if not both. It's a shame, they're some of the most brilliant people but I think they do so to stop thinking. Some people drink to be cool, some to be able to act as dumb as they want without taking responsibility for their actions, and others to forget. I'm now over that phase and although it's so easy to get back into it nothing good really comes out of it.. Even though partying is an easy way to forget everything and take your mind off of stuff, after it's all over, if you don't die from overdosing, you're still left with the same problems.. if not more (actually, usually more)! I like solutions not temporary fixes. pun not intended..


I think, I am too responsible and like couple people mentioned to me my "head is screwed on straight"... too straight. Life's easier when you just don't give a shit!



Oh well. In a couple days, if not one I'll be happy again.. until the next time I'm stressed out, irritable, pmsing and in need of a hug and can't get one, that is. haha. Maybe I'm the one that's bipolar! =P Usually, when I'm feeling down, I get my hug and I'm happy. hahha. mmmph oh well... time will bring my LA hugs :)