So Busy

I feel like fuckin super woman.... I'm going to school full time, working full time, I have my part time business (ok I'm kind of slacking in this department but i need to get on it) AND I party til 5oclock or so 6 days a week... holy shit. Where did my bum lifestyle go...

On top of that, beginning March or April I'm going to be picking up a REAL job working part time for my friend... and I also work a couple days a week at Upstairs now... and some other guy wants me to deal (cards) for him... but idk about that one, it's too far and the guy is too pushy.

Oh yeah.. I've also been doing everything above while sick this past week haha. I'm gonna try to take it easy for the next couple of days. .my cough is getting kind of bad. It only happens right when I wake up and before I go to bed though.... everybody is sick :(

I didn't realize how much fucking homework I have for accounting. The funny thing is, theres about 20 pages of homework questions that I printed out and must answer... so that'll take up a couple hours of my time tomorrow... yet homework counts for exactly 0% of our grade!! I have a quiz on Monday too. :( For the next chapters, I'll remember that I should print out the questions first before reading the long ass chapters.


Next week sometime I'm going to file taxes for like, the first time ever... so hopefully it'll help me get the Lexus IS we're looking at... the pearl white IS is beeaaauuutttiiffulll!!! I WANT! Gotta pass my license first though on the 5th haha.

I also gotta go get my hair dyed by Alan cause it's getting too light.... and Jess is coming to town soon and she's staying with me... which means more days of none stop partying haha.

I've also started dating again. Sort of. Idk... I think I'm turning lesbian or something because I used to go to multiple dinners and lunches and stuff with guys every day and now I just think everyone's so god damn boring and I don't want to sit there feel like I'm entertaining both of us. I'd rather hang out with my girls... hahah. It also makes me nervous cause it feels too freakin personal to hang out with a guy one on one. They always want something more when I'm neither looking for a boyfriend nor am I looking to fuck anyone... haha. Where do I find more guys like Mr. Chicken Legs, my (other) non sexual not boyfriend and my part part part part time boyfriend of 3 years? haha.

Went on a date today that was... pretty horrible! The guy is super nice and he made plans for us last week to watch a play and I guess he somehow didn't realize the play was for kids. Either that or he misunderstood me when I said my age and thought I said 10, not almost 20.. It was some silly skit with 3 actors about Maui the island fishing guy and Hercules. The last 5 minutes was some rhyme about how you should eat your fruits and veggies everyday. HAHAHHA oh my fucking god. I didn't give him too much shit about it cause he realized it himself hahah. Can't believe I had to wake up for that crap..... It wasn't exactly Broadway or Vegas like I'm used to. but anyway afterwards we met up with half of the lovebirds and drank some tea... than with both the lovebirds and the brat to the Chinese New Year festival. That was fun :).

Anyway I better go to sleep... Gotta study tomorrow and I'm probably going to get woken up at 12 or 1!

Late Night Musings

I can't sleep.... too much shit going through my mind...

Life's been... exciting.. haha. Lots of opportunities coming up that'd be great if they go through but I'm not counting my chickens before they hatch and daily life been hectic but amazing :)

Ever since I've been an adolescent and started dating.... I've never really been single for longer than a week. haha.. kind of fucked up yeah? Went from one long ass relationship... to another... to the most recent short and not so sweet one. Ok so technically I was single for all of 07 cept for those 3 or 4 months with psycho man... but I was still... um I wouldn't call it "dating" per se.. but "hanging out with" at least a handful of guys before that at all times... haha..

Now? the past 3 or 4 months? I haven't dated, hung out with or barely even talked to anyone of the opposite sex hahha. Okay, okay.. so I sort of dated this guy I met in Vegas and I "hung out with" some other dude for a couple of days... wait.. and I also hung out with my twin and my FTF like I always do..... but that's besides the point I'm trying to make.... (I'm kidding about the last part)


Heres a compilation of a few of the reasons that led to this

I realized that sometime late last year I cured myself of my fear of the dark.... Most of u know I had this utter fear of being alone in the dark (especially after watching a scary movie) except at my house or places I'm famliar with... Kind of funny considering I travel so much and I'm a night life person... but because of that I hated sleeping by myself or being alone in general. I still hate being alone but I tolerate it much better and for longer periods of time.

Also last year I found out that my idea of just hanging out and eating dinners n shit is other peoples idea of a date. That's kind of fucked up cause that means I've dated like half the island. But I haven't. I eat out every meal... having lunch or dinner with someone is no big deal to me... but once I found out that others thought it was more than it really is I became reluctant to do it as often. I learned that "Hey, you wanna go out for dinner" isn't just an innocent invitation from one friend to another like it was back in high school..

Hawaii has a pretty shitty pick of testosterone.. Well, no, there's some good guys here.. just a lack of NEW guys. Sad to say but I think we know practically everyone there is worth knowing.. :( On top of that, you can get good looking, smart, successful, young..... but only one at a time hah. It's kind of funny (or sick, whichever way you wanna look at it) but every new guy that I meet... already dated one of my friends and vice versa haha. It's like we've all fucked each other indirectly. The 6 degree's of separation in the real world.... can be adapted to The 6 fucks of separation for this tiny little island we live on... hahha.

I HATE drama and I'd always get it by the boatload when I was single... Either insecure girls afraid their boyfriends gonna leave them or guys trippin out that I'm with other guys when we're not even dating or bullshit from ex's trying to get back... usually all of the above at the same time. But for some reason this time, I had a little bit of a rocky start when Psycho and I first broke up (Sorry Vegas) but other than that?? I'm pretty dramaless! AND single! It's great!

Most importantly? I'm HAPPY.. so why change anything? I'm not ecstatic but I'm definitely happy and loving life. I live a great fuckin life and the older I get the more I realize and appreciate it.. "It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got" right? That's another thing that really hit me and just recently too... I live extremely comfortably, I do whatever I want, i have no stress that isn't self induced, great friends and everything I need to make it in anything I want.. I definitely got dealt some pocket aces in life... I'm still working on maximizing my profits out of it though. I don't think I've even begun to squeeze everything I can out of it.. For the past year I've been relying more on looks to get by than brain but I've been starting to use brains more and more.... School was a good decision :) It's fun and it's getting me thinking again.

As much as I don't mind getting paid to get massaged, act dumb, entertain and be the goofball that I am... It can only get you so far and for so long. And graphic design bores the hell out of me. There's also no residual on bar money nor business cards... or poker... and I do eventually want to get to the point where some of my friends are at so I gotta change career paths eventually.

Anyway it's 6AM already and I'm only going to get like 6 hours of sleep so I gotta stop rambling and catch some zzzzzzzz's. Catch u all later.. :)

Soren Kierkegaard

So while I was reading my psychology book I stumbled upon a quote that I absolutely LOVE!

"Life is lived forwards, but understood backwards" - Soren Kierkegaard.

haha SO true! I liked it so much I had to find more quotes by him. Here's a few more that I like :)


At the bottom of enmity between strangers lies indifference.

During the first period of a man's life the greatest danger is not to take the risk.

Faith is the highest passion in a human being. Many in every generation may not come that far, but none comes further.

How absurd men are! They never use the liberties they have, they demand those they do not have. They have freedom of thought, they demand freedom of speech.

I begin with the principle that all men are bores. Surely no one will prove himself so great a bore as to contradict me in this.

Listen to the cry of a woman in labor at the hour of giving birth - look at the dying man's struggle at his last extremity, and then tell me whether something that begins and ends thus could be intended for enjoyment.

Most men pursue pleasure with such breathless haste that they hurry past it.

Our life always expresses the result of our dominant thoughts.

People understand me so poorly that they don't even understand my complaint about them not understanding me.

The highest and most beautiful things in life are not to be heard about, nor read about, nor seen but, if one will, are to be lived.

To dare is to lose one's footing momentarily. Not to dare is to lose oneself.

What is a poet? An unhappy person who conceals profound anguish in his heart but whose lips are so formed that as sighs and cries pass over them they sound like beautiful music.



Haha. Some are kind of depressing but all are true. Anyway, gotta get back to reading my psych book.. byee :)