Late Night Musings

I can't sleep.... too much shit going through my mind...

Life's been... exciting.. haha. Lots of opportunities coming up that'd be great if they go through but I'm not counting my chickens before they hatch and daily life been hectic but amazing :)

Ever since I've been an adolescent and started dating.... I've never really been single for longer than a week. haha.. kind of fucked up yeah? Went from one long ass relationship... to another... to the most recent short and not so sweet one. Ok so technically I was single for all of 07 cept for those 3 or 4 months with psycho man... but I was still... um I wouldn't call it "dating" per se.. but "hanging out with" at least a handful of guys before that at all times... haha..

Now? the past 3 or 4 months? I haven't dated, hung out with or barely even talked to anyone of the opposite sex hahha. Okay, okay.. so I sort of dated this guy I met in Vegas and I "hung out with" some other dude for a couple of days... wait.. and I also hung out with my twin and my FTF like I always do..... but that's besides the point I'm trying to make.... (I'm kidding about the last part)


Heres a compilation of a few of the reasons that led to this

I realized that sometime late last year I cured myself of my fear of the dark.... Most of u know I had this utter fear of being alone in the dark (especially after watching a scary movie) except at my house or places I'm famliar with... Kind of funny considering I travel so much and I'm a night life person... but because of that I hated sleeping by myself or being alone in general. I still hate being alone but I tolerate it much better and for longer periods of time.

Also last year I found out that my idea of just hanging out and eating dinners n shit is other peoples idea of a date. That's kind of fucked up cause that means I've dated like half the island. But I haven't. I eat out every meal... having lunch or dinner with someone is no big deal to me... but once I found out that others thought it was more than it really is I became reluctant to do it as often. I learned that "Hey, you wanna go out for dinner" isn't just an innocent invitation from one friend to another like it was back in high school..

Hawaii has a pretty shitty pick of testosterone.. Well, no, there's some good guys here.. just a lack of NEW guys. Sad to say but I think we know practically everyone there is worth knowing.. :( On top of that, you can get good looking, smart, successful, young..... but only one at a time hah. It's kind of funny (or sick, whichever way you wanna look at it) but every new guy that I meet... already dated one of my friends and vice versa haha. It's like we've all fucked each other indirectly. The 6 degree's of separation in the real world.... can be adapted to The 6 fucks of separation for this tiny little island we live on... hahha.

I HATE drama and I'd always get it by the boatload when I was single... Either insecure girls afraid their boyfriends gonna leave them or guys trippin out that I'm with other guys when we're not even dating or bullshit from ex's trying to get back... usually all of the above at the same time. But for some reason this time, I had a little bit of a rocky start when Psycho and I first broke up (Sorry Vegas) but other than that?? I'm pretty dramaless! AND single! It's great!

Most importantly? I'm HAPPY.. so why change anything? I'm not ecstatic but I'm definitely happy and loving life. I live a great fuckin life and the older I get the more I realize and appreciate it.. "It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got" right? That's another thing that really hit me and just recently too... I live extremely comfortably, I do whatever I want, i have no stress that isn't self induced, great friends and everything I need to make it in anything I want.. I definitely got dealt some pocket aces in life... I'm still working on maximizing my profits out of it though. I don't think I've even begun to squeeze everything I can out of it.. For the past year I've been relying more on looks to get by than brain but I've been starting to use brains more and more.... School was a good decision :) It's fun and it's getting me thinking again.

As much as I don't mind getting paid to get massaged, act dumb, entertain and be the goofball that I am... It can only get you so far and for so long. And graphic design bores the hell out of me. There's also no residual on bar money nor business cards... or poker... and I do eventually want to get to the point where some of my friends are at so I gotta change career paths eventually.

Anyway it's 6AM already and I'm only going to get like 6 hours of sleep so I gotta stop rambling and catch some zzzzzzzz's. Catch u all later.. :)